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09-Jun-2017 15:34

The tale of someone slipping up after their inhibitions and judgement are lowered by a few drinks while out with friends is one of the most common stories out there.So, too, are moments of weakness during times of conflict in the relationship and office flirtations that crossed a line.Contrast this with the serial adulterer who regularly cheats on his or her partner with no real regard for their feelings; the crimes are similar but the circumstances and motivations are entirely different.Yes, it’s easy to fall to temptation or impulse or poor judgement at one point or another; frequently, it’s how we learn.But while being cheated on may be seen as a universal negative, the question of what to do when your partner’s been unfaithful is a tough one.

Discovering that your partner was cheating on you is incredibly painful.

Ignorance isn’t exactly bliss in this case but it’s a of a lot less painful. Despite the seeming obviousness of it, most infidelities about sex.

If you want to understand, then you don’t want the “whats” or “hows”, you want the “whys” – the motivation behind the affair. Cheat-proofing your relationship isn’t as simple as constantly upping the crazy sex you’re into or fucking your partner into a coma; in fact, this belief tends to end up assigning part of the blame to the other partner who’s been cheated on.

Someone who’s caring for a sick or handicapped partner, for example, may not want to leave; at this point, a discrete affair often can be part of less if it were a one-off affair of poor judgement…

but it’s hardly the same as discovering that your partner just saw commitment as an inconvenience to be overcome. One of the most important things you need to do in the wake of discovering that your partner has cheated on you is to get some time and distance.Then there are those who use affairs to get slamming their hands on the relationship self-destruct button – as acts of self-sabotage, as weapons of last resort, or even just because they’re afraid and hitting the eject button rather than facing their fears. One of the things that needs to be considered in the wake of discovering that you’ve been cheated on is the circumstances of the affair itself.It’s very easy to assume that being cheated on is a black-or-white issue – either your partner betrayed you or they didn’t.That desire to know more is completely natural; it’s part of the urge to understand, as though knowing more might make the act more comprehensible. Knowing who it was, when it started, what they did and where, why that person…

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