Autism dating australia
She admires his ability to maintain his focus so intently and to be so successful in his work.To a man on the spectrum, however, living with a person who has these qualities may be predictably uncomfortable.From her perspective, his thoughtful attention may have disappeared the very day of the wedding. The stability she admired slowly shows itself to be profound inflexibility.The reticence does not point to the underlying wisdom she assumed was present; she now sees that it comes from his not knowing what to do or say.When he does not acknowledge her birthday, and she asserts that his behavior has upset her, he may respond that he did not mean to upset her; therefore, she shouldn’t be upset.Or he might tell her that because birthdays come once year and everyone has them, they are no big deal and she should stop making such a big deal about them. This article describes the path followed by many women whose husbands are not diagnosed and who did not have successful couples counseling support to help them understand their differences. There are women who work with me for several months and can still feel blindsided when something comes up at home that they misinterpret from a neurotypical (NT) perspective instead of considering the implications of ASD.I write here about heterosexual married couples because these are the couples I see most frequently in my practice, where most often it is the man who exhibits the characteristics of ASD. They continue to be surprised at the gap between themselves and their husbands.
She is also drawn to what she takes to be his reticence.Overall, she is sad and lonely, still wondering why she can’t seem to make a point on her own behalf that she’d enjoy at least a card acknowledging her birthday, even though birthdays may not be important to him.But over time, she has learned further discussion is hopeless on a subject like this. She has learned such a conversation isn’t a discussion at all.She also feels rejected by her husband over the belief her birthday is worth noting in the first place.
She asks herself why such a little thing as a birthday seems so important to her.
This is not meant to imply only heterosexual couples face these issues or only men can have problematic ASD. She feels isolated, as her social connections have gradually diminished. The pain they feel when they recognize this gap catches them like a stab to the stomach. It’s difficult to see the process while it is going on, just as it is difficult to see the effects of water drops on granite minute by minute.